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"Is it normal to be harassed at work because I have a child? At my former job, they thought so..."
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Anonymous stories about manifestations of Gender-based violence
“Is it normal to be harassed at work because I have a child?
At my former job, they thought so.
I came to work in a cool company when the child was 1.5 years old. It so happened that at that moment my husband and I divorced, I had to raise the child by myself.
Of course, I understood that it would not be easy in a new position, in a new company, even after the maternity leave, but I did not expect that I would be bullied for being a mother.
"You can't stay late at work because you have to pick up your child from kindergarten? - Delay or you are fired.
Can't work on weekends when projects are burning? - Work or quit.
Is the child sick? - Solve the problem, but come to work on time. We will provide 2 hours of time off to take a certificate from the hospital when the child recovers.
Can't go on a business trip for a week, because you don't want to leave a small child with anyone? - You go on a business trip, or resign."
That's not counting the daily jokes that I'm dumb because I had a baby and my IQ dropped during pregnancy. There were still heavy workloads, a continuous flow of tasks so that I could prove that I could do everything. For me, it felt like: “Are you having a hard time? Hold even more load so that you don't relax." Sometimes that's what my boss told me. It was also difficult that in my department I was the only mother, all the others were childless and mostly unmarried. But they did not have such a load and irritation.
I am sorry that I spent 3 whole years on that job. I found myself broken psychologically after a difficult divorce, with a small child in my arms. And this abuse at work almost broke me completely.
I persevered, quit my job with my head held high, and moved to a company where I am valued and respected for my personal boundaries. But there is still that offended girl in me who thinks it is necessary to prove that if you have a child, you are the same person as everyone else. Not worse, not dumber, not willing to do anything to avoid being fired. And a strong woman who works on an equal footing with everyone, despite a difficult life."
Psychologist's comment:
I sympathize with the girl that such an experience happened in her life.
Psychological violence and pressure have an incredibly strong effect on our self-esteem, we begin to doubt "maybe something is really wrong with me."
Internal "beacons" can be helpful in such a situation, when we feel uncomfortable around a person, when her or his jokes seem offensive, when we feel pressure and manipulation in words or actions (sometimes a person does this, but does not realize that he is manipulating , for example), when the proposals or requests of others do not match our values. If any of this is present, then there is a probability that the person nearby is committing violence.
Unfortunately, similar situations at work often occur, because this is a large group of people, each and every one of whom has his own challenges, psychological characteristics, resentment against someone in the past, fixed opinions about what is right and what is not.
How to deal with it? Remember that there are and always will be organizations, teams where people respect and value each other. And there will always be a role and a place for you.
If you have come across GBV and need help, write to
GBV (gender-based violence) is a violation of human rights and freedoms directed against a certain gender, causing harm to a person of a different article than the offender himself.
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*The material was prepared by the NGO Girls as part of the project "Providing emergency aid and protection services to the population affected by the conflict in Ukraine", which is implemented by Help - Hilfe zur Selbsthilfe in Ukraine with the financial support of the Federal Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Germany and NAK-karitativ. It does not in any way represent the official point of view of the donors.