When Olena came for counselling, she was in a state of emotional exhaustion. She admitted feeling isolated, afraid to trust people and unsure whether she could cope with her pain. She was scared, but she took the first step towards change.
The 17-year-old girl's life was plagued by insomnia, negative thoughts, constant anxiety and a feeling that she had lost herself. Fears haunted her: the recurrence of traumatic events and alienation from her loved ones. She needed to express her feelings to someone who could understand and not judge.
In the course of the therapy, it turned out that the girl had often experienced emotional and physical pressure since her childhood. That affected her attitude toward herself and setting personal boundaries. Criticism from her father, his punishment and devaluation of her achievements formed a habit in Olena of not noticing her successes. Everything she achieved seemed insignificant to her. Loss of control became the central theme of her experiences. Both physical punishment in her childhood and subsequent traumatic events in her adult years left her feeling powerless and dependent on external circumstances. That made Olena feel that her opinions and needs did not matter and that she was not worthy of recognition or support.
Recently, Olena has experienced several traumatic events that have worsened her condition. Those events made her distrust others and fear that such experiences would happen again. A few months ago, while she was abroad, she was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance at a party. She told a close friend about it seeking support. But instead of sympathy, he betrayed her trust by repeating what had already become a nightmare. Those events, superimposed on years of family pressure, left the girl in a state of emotional isolation. She no longer trusted people, and the recent events reinforced her belief that the world was a dangerous place and that she was defenceless.
The therapist who worked with Olena stressed the importance of a safe space to work in. “We started with something simple, i.e., to provide an opportunity to share the pain. It is no longer something that should stay inside and destroy her. It is something that can be talked about and worked with”, the specialist explained.
Grounding became the first tool in working with bodily tension. Simple breathing exercises and awareness of sensations helped the girl to find stability. The first sessions were aimed at regaining connection with herself. Observing the breath, feeling the contact with the floor, and simple movements helped the girl to feel that her body could be a source of support, not just pain.
The specialist told Olena that her constant anxiety and tension was not just an emotional state, but a physical reaction of her nervous system trying to protect her from repeated pain. Olena was able to look at herself differently. Her anxiety, isolation and even distrust of others no longer seemed like a weakness. She gradually accepted the fact that her fears, anxiety and even the feeling of loneliness were her way of adapting to her trauma, not something that defined her as a person.
That integration was a key moment in her healing. Olena stopped seeing her anxiety as a weakness and began to see it as a signal of the need for self-care. She was able to take the first step towards inner harmony by accepting what had previously seemed unacceptable to her. That process was painstaking and slow for Olena since she had to learn to track her reactions without judging herself, allow herself to feel sadness and anger without shame, and recognise her needs.
The practice of setting and protecting personal boundaries was particularly important during the therapy. Through role-playing, the girl gradually learnt to say “no”, express her needs and not feel guilty about it. At first, it seemed unnatural to her, but eventually, she was able to take this step in real life. Years of upbringing, accompanied by devaluation and punishment, taught her to remain silent and accept pain as a part of life. The therapy helped Olena to change this gradually. Thus, she learned to protect her boundaries.
“During the war, it is important to remember that trauma is exacerbated. But Olena showed how perseverance and willingness to work on yourself can lead to healing even in such difficult circumstances. She has realised that her past should not define her”, the psychologist said.
Working on her body image also became an important part of the therapy. After a few months of work, Olena began to notice changes. Her sleep gradually returned to normal, and anxious thoughts no longer dominated her life. In her relations with friends, she was able to avoid destructive relationships and build new, healthier ones. She began to recognise her achievements, which had previously seemed insignificant. She felt proud to have entered the university and was interested in the future again. “Before I started working with the psychologist, my emotions were overwhelming and my anxiety made it impossible to find pleasure in everyday things. During my sessions, I was incredibly helped to find strength in myself, to see the situation from a new perspective and to establish a relationship with myself first and foremost. I am very grateful for such high-quality sessions that had a strong impact on me and did not leave me alone in a difficult time. Our conversations were very valuable, personal and successful. Thank you!”, she said.
Olena's story shows that healing is not about erasing painful memories or running away from your past. It is a process in which we learn to accept what we have experienced as part of ourselves while maintaining the ability to look forward. Healing is about staying close to the past, but no longer letting it determine our actions and feelings. It is about learning to recognise our pain, work with it and see it as a source of strength that leads to restoring harmony and peace.
The assistance to Olena was provided within the framework of the project “Emergency Aid for the Population, Communities and Institutions Affected by the War in Ukraine” implemented by the NGO Girls in cooperation with Help - Hilfe zur Selbsthilfe with the financial support of the German Federal Foreign Office.
Photo by Sofia Alejandra from Pexels.
